Am I Really Getting Married?

YES, FOLKS, I AM GETTING MARRIED. REAL SOON.

I know that I haven't been around for the goodness sake and I almost never talk about my relationship on this blog. It's been a crazy year. The amazing kind of crazy. And I don't know how to start telling you about what I've been through. It's overwhelming. I'm adjusting myself to welcome happiness and embracing little things in life that made me falling in love. And I just can't share too much online; there are things that I think meant to be kept privately, and only be spoken when the time is right. So I choose to share about my engagement with G (on my Instagram) only when we were a day away from having our official engagement ceremony with the family. (ed. In Indonesia, we usually have both family come together to celebrate the union of their daughter and son in a coming marriage. Usually this event is taken as a celebration, where (mostly) the man finally asks a woman's family to let their daughter be his wife. I will tell you about this more on the next post.) Our engagement lunch were held two days ago, on a wonderful Saturday, August 12th 2017. I honestly still ask myself these questions quite often (probably since the day when G proposed me) — Is this true? Am I really getting married? This Year??I still can't believe the fact that G is no longer a boyfriend but a fiancé, and that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me — voluntarily. I have to pinch myself once in a while so I know that I'm not dreaming. It seems so real yet so illutionary, to have myself being only separated months away from a wedding. My wedding. A year after we met for the first time. It couldn't be more surreal than that. knowing that I spent the half year of 2016 being so sad and heartbroken; as if things were never going to be okay.

Photos: celebrating my fiancée situation with baby Jonah.

I never plan to get married in year 2017. Or 2018. Or any year. But I remember when I was younger as asked when I will get married (by the very typical Indonesian aunts or mothers), I used to say I'd get married when I'm over 27 years old. I'm 28 now, and I'm grateful for saying that answer back then. Because I've finally made peace with whatever I've been through for these 27 years. Because apparently it took 27 years for me to understand the very basic things that I need to know in life. That feelings cannot be controlled. That emotions are pure and meant to be felt. That my faith cannot be compromised. That other women are not enemies; they're family, and I have the power to choose, to forgive them when they don't feel the same. That love is real. And imperfect. And that I wouldn't mind about it.

Photo : Us. Taken by my best friend Dimas in March 2017.

So here I am, trying not to feel guilty for being overwhelmed with joy and gratitude. Here I am trying to reconnect with myself again through longer words and pictures. Here I am with my loaded head full of wedding preparation, wanting to share more with you. I hope you wouldn't mind to have me around again, dear friend. XX